Know When To Quit

When my boys were little, they wouldn’t go a day without playing at one of the many local playgrounds. My younger son was very keen on climbing and his daredevilish acrobatics on trees or structures earned him a solid following. One time a little girl joined my son on a rope net and, while he made it to the top easily, she got stuck at the three-fourth of the way. She was clearly hesitant about continuing. If I were her parent, I would have praised her for having gone so far helped her climb down safely.  Instead, her dad encouraged her to keep going. What?

“She needs to learn how to finish a project,” the dad explained.

Hmm. Is this how the corporate guys parent? Interesting. I was not raised in that spririt. The only thing my parents told us to finish was our dinners. Apart from that, my brothers and I were never pushed to continue with our endeavors.

At the same time, even though perseverance was not promoted as a valuable life skill, I wasn't surrouded by many quitters either. My dad carried out a lot of house renovation projects, and he always completed them meticulously and efficiently. My mom’s projects were more garden-oriented and, when she set out to do something around her flower beds, she wouldn’t rest until she finished her task. They never told us to finish our projects, but they never told us that not finishing our tasks was an option either.

As this year is ending, and I am wrapping up my projects, I have been reflecting on my approach to finishing things. There has surely been some movement in that area. The primary school teachers who used to comment on my perseverance skills might notice a slight change of heart. I am far from being a slacker or a flash in the pan, but I have become more discriminatory about what I put my efforts into and for how long. To put it simply, there are many books on my bookshelf that I have started reading, but haven’t finished, guilt-free.  At the same time, I always reach my destination on a hiking trail.

So how do we know when to stop and when to keep going? The decision to quit or to persevere is rarely as simple as putting down the book. Secondly, as Roosevelt famously said, “Nothing in the world is worth having or doing, unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…” So how do we know when to persevere and when to walk away? Recently I have learned what helps me to decide.

This past year I have taken many language courses. Most of them were short and engaging, but one of them put my perseverance skills to a test. Just like the little girl that followed my son on the climbing net, I got stuck close to an end. The frustration with the course started outweighing the joy and benefits of learning. A voice in my head kept telling me to keep going. For many reasons I wanted to be a good sport and finish the course. I mentally committed to doing so. Unfortunately, my body didn’t seem to go along.  I started having sleeping problems, and I was tired in the morning. Every time I went to class, I had a headache or a stomachache. At first, I thought I had a cold, but then I realized that my aches and pains were the psychosomatic symptoms caused by the course-related anxiety. In other words, even though my mind told me to finish what I had started, my body was telling me to walk away.

And I am glad I listened to it eventually. It hasn't always been this way, but, at this point in my life, looking at my mind-body alignment is what helps me to decide when to quit with a smile.