top of page

Frustrated? Take a Side Step

  • agachapascoaching
  • Feb 5, 2024
  • 3 min read


tap shoes

A friend of mine shared with me her frustration with online dating. Over the years, she has gone on numerous dates suggested by a computer algorithm, but her single status has not changed. Clearly, online dating doesn’t work for her, but she doesn’t know how to meet people outside of dating apps either. She is stuck. She would like to find someone, but she is frustrated with the search. Maybe she doesn’t need to bother? After all, she doesn’t need a boyfriend that badly.


The more she talked, the more it sounded like she didn’t need a boyfriend after all. It was just a nice to have, not a must have. It was as if her frustration with the process triggered doubts about the validity of the goal. Talking to my friend reminded me of yoga.


A few years ago, I was obsessed with learning the Adho Mukha Vrksasana, or simply, the handstand. I studied the technique, learned the prep steps, and then for months, diligently, did my donkey kicks by the wall. Despite some progress, I was far from standing on my hands even for a second. I was getting discouraged.

In the meantime, summer came. A very hot summer. With kids at home, I had less time to worry about my yoga. Instead, we spent a lot of time at the pool.


Not a big fan of idling in the water, I did laps. Since the breast stroke was the only stroke I knew, I thought I might get better at it.  I didn’t push myself, but I did a lot of laps that summer.


Come fall, I went back to yoga though and resumed my hand stand challenge. I thought that neglecting my donkey kicks routine would mean I had to start all over again. To my surprise, I didn’t. in fact, swimming strengthened my shoulders, which only helped me with my handstand. In other words, putting my handstand goal on pause, even if willy-nilly, and focusing on swimming, helped me indirectly towards my handstand.


And that’s what I tried to tell my friend. Just like swimming helped me with my yoga, and both swimming and yoga helped me, different aspects of our lives can affect one another and also help us. Instead of focusing solely on one need and push forward even if we hit roadblocks, perhaps it is good to take a side step and give attention to other aspects of our lives. Maybe there is something else we could work on at this time that would be less frustrating? Finding a romantic partner might respond to our need for intimacy, but what about our need for social life, personal development, or financial stability, for example? Those are our needs too.




My friend texted me the next day saying that she had enrolled in the Spanish course. I smiled while reading the message. She was an avid traveller and Spain was her regular vacation spot, so knowing the language would come in handy.


I don’t have a crystal ball, but something is telling me that taking the language course not only is going to enhance her travel experience, but it might also lead to meeting interesting people among fellow students or travelers. And who knows, maybe some of those interesting people can even be the ones she has been hopelessly trying to find on the ever frustrating dating apps?






































Comments


bottom of page