Notice the Change

On the complex topic of transitions, which I started to discuss three posts ago, there is one more thing I would like to expand on: transitions happen all the time, both to us, and around us. The irony is, that despite the inevitability and omnipresence of transitions, we often miss them. I have recently gotten a sweet reminder of it myself.

My younger son is a Lego maniac. Last summer, he discovered something called Lego Fan Tours, which allow Lego fanatics, like himself, to tour the Lego House in Denmark, talk to the Lego designers, and see and experience many employee- only things. Unfortunately, there is only one week in a year to register for such a tour. We marked it in our mental calendars, and we were committed to sign up as soon as the website allowed. And then stuff happened, and we all forgot.  Actually, not all of us. By the end of the sign-up week, something clicked in my sons's head, he grabbed my phone and registered. He didn’t do it on the opening day, but he didn’t miss the deadline either.

And here is a funny thing. Even though my son saved the day and, initially, I was very relieved, my second reaction was... disappointment. Why did I not remember? I was his mom, I should remember such things, so I could remind him. That is my role as a mom to be on top of things, isn't it? But then the third thought kicked in.

Being on top of things used to be my role, when my son was younger. Now my son is old enough and he can remember things for himself. I shouldn’t be upset that I somehow failed him. I should be proud he was so independent and didn’t need my help to think for him.

And I was truly very proud of him.

This incident reminded me that seeing my kids every day makes it easy not to notice that they change. But they do. It wasn't long when I had to hold them by the hand, so they wouldn’t fall, but now they do parkour tricks on the sidewalk. Once they wanted me to snuggle with them and read them a bedtime story, now all the stories they need are on their phone and they’d prefer if I didn’t enter their room at all, not even to clean it- they like it the way it is.

At the same time, I am fully aware that it is not that my kids don't need me or my support because they are older. Kids change, and so do their needs. The tricky part is to figure out what they need at a different stage. I guess, if I watch them and hear them, I might see how i can support them.

The key is not to deny the change that is bound to happen. Children grow and relationships evolve and morph into something new. We can waste a lot of energy trying to stop it. But we can also embrace it. It can be a beautiful thing, if we don't fail to notice it.